Canadian conversation

I happened across the perfect Canadian conversation today on the airport shuttle from Leduc to Edmonton International Airport.

Canadian conversation is just like American conversation, only friendlier in every way imaginable. The tone more jocular, the topic more light-hearted, and the personalities display an exuberance that only a country with Tim Horton’s and free health care can provide.

As soon as I walked into the van, an elderly man grinning wider than a Cheshire cat struck a conversation up with a “Where ya gooing?” Gooing, not “going”, is key to the creating the aura of Canada. There’s something about drawing out the “o” while drawing in the shape of the mouth that gives a rhythmic, syncopated cadence to the conversation. I answered Northwest Territories, to which he responded “Just got back yesterday, y’knoo?!” I add exclamation marks to the end of each sentence because they unequivocally belong there. When Canadians say something, they’re going to say it for the love o’ ducks!

Two others came in the next minute and the conversation became limited among the three of them. The man quickly started talking about the “National Hard-of-Hearing Association of Canada Conference” that took place in Yellowknife the past week. “You should goo! Really! See this new hearing aid?!” He was yelling at the top of his voice. Also, he couldn’t hear very well and said “eh?” a lot, though the integral part "eh" plays in Canadian conversation goes without saying.

The next few minutes proceeded with him telling the other two about how the conference proceeded. I won’t transcribe everything, but it went a little like this, interspersed by the slapping of my shoulders at unexpected times:

“And they took a drill and made a hole write in the side of my skull! Just like that!” Wa-oo!*

“So I hear that the technology for this kind of stuff is improving pretty fast” Cue the slap on the shoulders. Wa-oo!

“And Tim Horton’s! The sandwiches will freshen you right up!” Wa-oo!

My smirking, Yankee asshole self turned to him for a second and said, “You know, that’s interesting, I'm actually deaf in one ear. I don’t have a left ear.” To which he replied, “Wa-oo! Y’knoo’ Canadian health insurance will cover that hearing aid for free! They’ll do everything for free!”

To which I replied, “Oh. I’m, uh, not on that any more.”

So much for looking down on those zany Canucks.

*Note: this is the Canadian equivalent of Wow. Instead of transitioning to the ow sound, it goes into the long oo. It’s all the other two would say the entire time, though a “gee” punctured the conversation here and there.